Covering Mike Price in shame...AGAIN According to the Times-Union (it's in Albany! I know! They have a newspaper! So cute!), John Lovett and Mark Whipple were quite the party boys while on staff together at Union back in the day.
"They were lively, to say the least," said then-Union head coach Al Bagnoli, now the successful head coach at the University of Pennsylvania. "They enjoyed themselves. They worked hard and they played hard. They didn't get much sleep."
Hmmmmmm...no coincidence, then, they both ended up in our clutches. It's obvious what sort of trouble one could get into in the Miami-Dade County area, but we wouldn't expect anything run-of-the-mill from anyone endorsed in this department by Al Bagnoli, who surely knows his way around a dead hooker or eight. I rubbed the Seventh Floor Crystal 8-Ball and here is what was foretold for our shiny new coordinators in the seasons to come:
- Whipple will be caught in a compromising position with gang of hooded Polish tourists recruited from a local hostel after arranging a group "therapy session" in a giant tub of pico de gallo lit by black lights.
- Lovett will be found slumped on the bathroom floor at Black Sheep snorting birth control pills while wearing a half-unzipped Body Glove wetsuit and mumbling the lyrics to "Father Figure."
- The Sebastian mascot costume will make an appearance in a grainy night video, prompting the Dade County Health Department to spray it down with penicillin before lighting it on fire and burying the ashes in a lead box in a remote region of Siberia.
We can't say any more about these predictions, other than that future of sexual behavior in South Florida changed for the terrifying this past January and everyone should secure their exotic pets.
All by myyyyyyyyyseeeeeeeeeeyeeeeelf Bruce Johnson is one lonely boy in Indiana, suffering pokes and prods and questionings all on his lonesome. There is nothing funny about this and our souls just cracked open and died.
Spring schedule fraught with accessibility Randy Shannon IS still running the ship, right? Because according to the Sun-Sentinel, the first four practices of spring ball are open to the media. MY GOD, IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME UNTIL THE APES TAKE OVER! STOCK UP ON CANNED FOOD!
The spring schedule's below. Noodz to the first intrepid reader who can get us fuzzy zoom shots of Jacory Harris in action.
Tues., Feb. 24 3:30 p.m.
Wed., Feb. 25 3:30 p.m.
Fri., Feb. 27 3:30 p.m.
Sat., Feb. 28 10 a.m.
Tues., Mar. 3 3:30 p.m.
Wed., Mar. 4 3:30 p.m.
Fri., Mar. 6 3:30 p.m.
Sat. Mar. 7 10 a.m.
Tues., Mar. 10 3:30 p.m.
Wed., Mar. 11 3:30 p.m.
*Thurs., Mar. 12 6:30 p.m. (Traz Powell Stadium)
UM SPRING BREAK MARCH 14-21
Tues., Mar. 24 3:30 p.m.
Wed. Mar. 25 3:30 p.m.
Fri., Mar. 27 3:30 p.m.
*Sat., Mar. 28 BankUnited CanesFest (9 a.m.) (Traz Powell Stadium)
*Open to the public