"Everybody thought I was a hard-ass. Everybody still thinks I'm a hard-ass. [The media] pegs me as a hard-ass … But that's not me."
"This year, because we're an older team, I can be more free and mess around with them," Shannon said. "I'm going to be more lively, more open, the way I was as a defensive coordinator.
How's New Randy doing? This is, after all, the guy who told a prison brawl story to the Sports Kids, so Orson Swindle from Every Day Should Be Saturday and I sat in on a recent team meeting to monitor his progress and bring a few nuggets back to you, the reader.
RS: Today, we're gonna play finger poker.
Team: Play finger poker, Coach? What are we using for chips?
Team: Ha. Hahahhahahah. HA?
RS: Royal flush. (THWACK.)
RS: A guy walks into a bar with a wild dog. The bartender says, 'You can't bring that in here.' Then the dog rips this throat out and he dies.
RS: Knock, knock.
RS: Gunshots! HAHAHAHAHA!
RS: So I went to the doctor the other day, and I said 'What is it?', and he said, 'It's cancer.' And I said, "Is it fatal?' and he said 'Yes.'
RS: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Team: To get to the other side?
RS: Because your whole family had AIDS!
RS: What's up with airline food? I mean, it's bad for you, right? LIke losing everything you love in a flash of bullets during a home invasion.
RS: Your momma's so fat she died of cardiac arrest. No, wait...I got a better one: Your momma's so dead she's dead. Forever!
RS: Sometimes you have to lose the players trying to follow you home from practice with swift maneuvers in traffic, and sometimes you have to kill them.
RS: I'm yus KEEEEEEDING!
RS: Hey, how many Florida State Seminoles does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn't matter, because they're all on fire.