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Clinton Portis Welcomes Auditors

This is why the man's on t-shirts, people: "Check my paperwork."

"I think it's eatin' 'em up to still see me doing it. You really just can't say nothing to me, there's nothing you can say that's gonna have me low and down in the dumps. I can tell you check my paperwork. You know, just look at the paperwork, look at my stats, look at my grind, look at everything I've accomplished at 28, and I'm not even 28 yet. So you take the one year away that I got hurt, I'd be over 10,000 yards already."

Well, that, and his thoughts on sexual identity.  But we've further clarified those:

"[If I could be with any woman for a day, it would be] Alicia Keys in Cabo, sun setting, and she's got a piano out on the beach, playing a good tune to me."