clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

¿Quien Eres Tu? ¡Florida State!

The tarps are off, the orange stadium seat t-shirt sales have ended, it must be Florida State week!

If you buy something from an SB Nation link, Vox Media may earn a commission. See our ethics statement.


Eschewing the traditional preview, we here at the State of The U are bringing you all the (mostly meaningless) things one needs to know prior to this week's match-up. The only rule? No game predictions. Today gives us, for lack of a better term, "school" from up north, the hated Florida State Seminoles.

¿Hate Week Haiku?

You'd have so many

Titles, if Janikowski

Was ageless wonder


Florida State Seminoles

2012: 6-1 (3-1 in ACC)

Last Meeting: FSU won 23-19 in 2011

The upset probability for Miami dropped drastically after Jimbo went all Jimbo and coached his Seminoles to another loss as a double digit favorite on the road. A typical rivalry game can do wonders for regressing/progressing two unequal teams to a common mean, but Miami's talent disadvantage is probably too much to overcome.

Then you add in this:

And it only gets worse. Granted, I think Morris is going to play, maybe even start. Doubtful on Thursday afternoon is a lot different than doubtful on Saturday at 8pm. However, the slim chance Miami has at winning this game drops to the true value of absolute zero if Ryan Williams is playing all four quarters.


Tallahassee, Florida

If the state of Florida is the penis of America, Tallahassee is situated right at the taint. It smells like one too.


8:00 EDT


Another solid prime time spot for the Hurricanes. The last one didn't go so well, and the line is even higher for this week. No es bueno, mis amigos.


Garnet and Gold. The administration did some 4th grade art class water palate combinations back in the early 1900s, taking the purple from the Florida State Female College and mixing it with crimson to get their now famous garnet color. One thing I did always appreciate was the helmet sticker choice. While most schools just put on something resembling a circle for good plays, FSU threw on a tomahawk. They just need to upgrade some of those to flames for the really good plays.


Sun Life Stadium

Miami Gardens, Florida

Unless you've lived in Florida, you don't realize how much of a bitch it is to drive through its entirety. FSU fans who never moved out of their college trailers will be looking at a 7+ hour clip to make it down to Sun Life. Don't be late guys, it might have a different name by the time you arrive.

¿Food and Nightlife?

Sonesta Hotel Coconut Grove

Probably the best view you'll find outside of the beach, hit up the 8th floor pool for one of the best mojitos of your life. Unfortunately, they don't provide koozies, so Seminole fans you're on your own there. Grab your favorite personalized one and head on over.

The Room

Situated in the South Pointe section of South Beach, this joint has any beer you could imagine, coupled with a great atmosphere. A potential alternative to the Grove or Ocean Drive scene.

¿Last Minute Ticket Grab?

Prices range from $70 to $1000 (WTF??) on Stub Hub, and no, FSU fans will not be outnumbering Miami fans.

However, there will be the constant war chant, one a slightly more vulgar version than the other.

¿All-Time Record?

Miami leads 31-25. Since 1976, give or take when both teams started to become what we know them as now (and also Bowden's first year), Miami still holds the advantage, 21-16. However, Miami has not won at home in the series since the Hurricane Frances make up game in 2004.

¿Impact Players?

On offense E.J. Manuel is having a great year - 14:4 TD/INT, 72% completion percentage, and almost 10 yards per passing attempt. Chris Thompson leads the loaded backfield, which has spread out touchdowns across seven different players. Sheeeeeit. That's some quality socialism right there.

At WR, Kenny Shaw, Kelvin Benjamin, Rodney Smith, Rashad Greene, and Greg Dent all have roughly 20 catches for 200-250 yards. When a Florida State fan says their receiving corps are loaded, they're not kidding.

The FSU defense is even better than those guys, ranked #4 in the nation in the current FEI ratings. Miami can't stop the run, FSU's strength matches up perfectly with Miami's only strength, I think I'll let my man Castor Troy speak for all the Canes fans out there.

¿You Tube Clip of Glory?

Wide Right, Wide Left, one of these years FSU will figure out how to kick it Wide High to lose a game.

And just to show we're not all just trolls under the bridge selling cocaine-laced cotton candy to strangers, here's the time a kicking error went considerably in Florida State's favor.