:format(webp)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/3165163/x4kydi.0.jpg)
Eschewing the traditional preview, we here at the State of The U are bringing you all the (mostly meaningless) things one needs to know prior to this week's match-up. The only rule? No game predictions. Today gives us the South Florida Bulls, the only school we can point down towards and laugh at regarding lack of attendance. Then we remember they started playing football a mere 15 years ago, and have zero winning tradition outside of the most outlier college football season ever in history. Tears of embarrassing sadness, recommence!
¿Quien?
3-6 (1-4 Big East)
Last meeting: Miami won 6-3 in 2011
The Bulls stopped the hemorrhaging of a 6-game losing streak with a 13-6 win over Connecticut, and have had a week off to bask in that glory. They come down to Miami (Gardens, natch) for the final time during the latest contract signed between the two schools. After Miami's visit up to Tampa next year, the two sides would have to re-up to keep playing.
¿Donde?
Tampa, Florida
Is there anything in Tampa that can't be found in a better form over in St. Petersburg? They have the ocean, 360 days of sunshine every year, and most importantly, they have the Home Shopping Network.
¿Cuando?
3:00 PM EST
TV: RSN (Sun Sports in South Florida)
Radio: 560 WQAM (Local), Caracol 1260 AM (Spanish), 90.5 FM W VEEEEEEE UM (Student), Sirius 136 / XM 195
¿Colores?
Green and Gold. Rather impressive they didn't go for some combination of florescent, what with them originating the football team in the brutal stretch of teal and tangerine orange that was the mid '90s.
¿Stadium?
Sun Life Stadium
Miami Gardens, Florida
The final home game for the Canes this year, which also means it's Senior Day. Shout out to all of them: Dalton Botts, Ramon Buchanan, Cameron Dean, Chris Dunckel, Mike James, Davon Johnson, Ben Jones, Paul Kelly, Jeremy Lewis, Eduardo Lopez, Brandon McGee, Shawn O'Dare, Darius Smith, Andrew Swasey, Vaughn Telemaque, Kendal Thompkins, and Jake Wieclaw.
¿Food and Nightlife?
Situated on the extravagantly beautiful Biltmore pool, you can't go wrong with renting a poolside cabana and grabbing a grouper sandwich with key lime sauce. Because it is the Biltmore, you can decide to go all pelotas out, and instead venture over to the Fontana courtyard for the $75 per person all you can eat Sunday brunch. I used to be a server here (where wasn't I?) and lemme tell ya, you definitely want to be one of the people eating those fist-sized shrimp, not the ones who want to punch you in the face while they serve it to you.
Locals will definitely know this classic spot, and every serious presidential candidate is an ignorant chump if they expect the Cuban vote without stopping in for a bite. It's the closest you'll get food-wise to Havana in the Continental U.S. A place so perfectly Cuban, your 40+ year old waitress will be smoking hot and in possession of a 20 year old Latin ass, wearing tight pants to show off all she has. Speaking Spanish to you, straight cracker gringo looking and all, without thinking twice. The better for you to practice.
¿Last Minute Ticket Grab?
Joey and Vinny and Tito should have anything you want, right on the outskirts of the front gate. Bring cash, and counter bid for no more than half of what they offer.
¿All-Time Record?
Miami leads 3-1. As mentioned above, this series stands to end next year. Hurricanes fans tend to side with being happy it is ending, because YOU CANT LET LITTLE BROTHER BEAT YOU, ARGGGHHH. That's ridiculous. Miami has to play someone out of conference. Why force your team to travel to say, Manhattan Kansas, the middle of the country, instead of just a four hour bus ride? Why play a middle-tier SEC school, when a middle-tier Big East school is right here? The purpose of college football is to win, right? Last I checked, five years from now, all that matters is what your record was. No one will remember Miami had a zillion freshman playing this year, or suspensions galore, etc., they'll remember the record. Play one big time school each year, and trade off FAU, FIU, UCF, and USF every couple years. Enough of this crap about how it can only help them, it only hurts Miami. If Miami wins these games, and they most certainly will do so many more times than they lose, it helps Miami.
¿Impact Players?
USF's all everything B.J. Daniels career looks to be over, as he sustained an ankle injury during the Connecticut victory. Daniels wasn't having the best of seasons, but he leaves the Big East with the 3rd highest offensive yardage total in the conference's illustrious history. USF coach Skip Holtz hasn't yet named a starter between Matt Floyd or Bobby Eveld, but only Floyd has thrown a pass this year. Miami is favored for the first time in weeks, and it's not like that was against consistent top flight competition. Given this week's preview post is under strict deadlines, we're going to assume USF doesn't really have any other impact players. Bet the simple syrup juice on it, folks.
¿You Tube Clip of Glory?
♫♫ THE FIRST TIME THAT YOU EVER WALKED INTO MY LIFE ♫♫
♫♫ IN OH SO MANY WAYS YOU ALL BECAME MY WIFE ♫♫
♫♫ LADIES OF TAMPA.....♫♫